1.  Is beer the best drink the world? Bloody oathNo it isn'tWhat is beer?I like Pimms

2.  How many cans of beer in a slab? 700324Who drinks just one slab?

3.  What do you do when a mate is comatosed from the drink? Leave him, he is a liabilityPut him in a cabGet $50 from his wallet. No one drops out of a shout

4.  What is the first thing you do when you walk into a pub? Pretend I need a pissAsk the lads what they're drinkingLet someone else get 'em inComment on how lovely the decor is

5.  Your mate is blind and chatting up a ugly shiela, you.. Let him go for it, he's no oil painting himselfMake excuses for him and escort him awayAsk if there is any chance of a 3someEncourage him and tell him how lucky he is

6.  Your mate needs help to concrete the driveway but your wife is in labour. What do you do? The wife was keen on another anywaysChildbirth takes ages doesen't it?Ask your mates wife to go with yours to the hospitalWhatever I do, there will be beer involved

7.  Your mate is having personal issue. What do you do? Give him the number for LifelineInvite him to the pub for a beerTell him "she'll be right"Tell him the truth about his wife

8.  You see a female changing her car's tyre, you.. Drive right pastPull up behind her and watch her stuggleOffer assistanceAsk if she has a mobile, then ask for her number

9.  A mate is building a fence, you.... Tell him you are allergic to splintersTurn up late in the day, when the beer is flowingTell him you have a crook backGet stuck in and give him a hand

10.  A mate's mate starts telling about the opera he went to last night after buying you a beer, you.. Attempt to seem interested as you down shots of tequilaMention you saw a porno titled "The fat lady sings"Change the subjectTell him to pull his head in, its a pretentious wank